• Are you feeling exhausted and emotionally drained from a breakup?
• Do you think of your ex and still get those emotional outbursts that weigh you down?
• Do you feel stuck in your ended relationship and are completely clueless on how to get over a relationship?

Well, breakups suck, and they’ll make you feel like a failure. It hurts more if you are still in love with your ex and feel that you could have been happy together. The mere thought of all the times and dreams you shared becoming just a memory can be emotionally daunting.

Moving on from an ended relationship, however, is not an option. No matter how much you still love your ex, you’ll have to let go. Just like wounds, with time, a positive attitude and self care, you will heal.

In this article you will find tips on:

• How long it takes to get over a relationship,
• How to get over a long term relationship,
• How to get over toxic and abusive relationships,

And how to start dating again.

Read on and let’s get over this pain together, shall we?

A Comprehensive Guide On How To Get Over A Relationship

We all get into relationships with a desire to grow old together. Shit, however, happens and we are forced to end those relationships and move on. When that happens, it’s okay to grieve, be mad at yourself and feel like a failure.

You, however, don’t have to mourn over lost love forever. So, how long should you grieve? 

How long does it take to get over a relationship?

Getting over a relationship takes some time, and it’s quite different for everyone.  Factors like length of the relationship, the love shared, if there are children involved, all determine how long it takes to let go.

A research documented in the journal of positive psychology indicates that it takes approximately 11 weeks to get over a relationship. Separate studies, however, found out that it takes up to 18 months to get over the end of a marriage.

The truth is the grieving process differs because we all process pain and accept loss differently. A break up may leave you blaming yourself and feeling worthless especially if you were dumped, but the good news is, it’s not going to last forever and soon, the pain will go, and you will get a new relationship.

While grieving over lost love is okay and normal, you should be careful and seek professional help if you can stop living in the past and keep carrying the emotional baggage into any relationship you get into. If it also affects your productivity at work and how you relate with others, speak about it with a counselor and let them walk the journey with you. It will make the load much lighter.

Everyone has loved and gotten hurt at some point, so it’s important to know that you are not alone, and you will surely get over it. It may be difficult in the first year, but just like a wound, it will heal, and you will feel much better.

How to get over a long term relationship

If you were in a long term relationship, chances are you not only loved your ex romantically but he/she was your best friend. You literally depended on him/her for physical and emotional support.

Breaking such a bond comes with its fair share of heartache. Whether it was you who instigated the breakup, your ex or it was a mutual agreement, it’s still gonna hurt. You, however, have to let go because sulking about it forever is not helpful.

This is what you have to do to move on:

1. Allow yourself to grieve and feel the emotions

 Cry if you have to. Lock yourself up and sleep the whole day if that is what you want. Shout and let out that anger. Feel sad and grieve without judging yourself. These are normal emotions after a breakup and bottling them up will only turn around and hurt you in future.

You can also cope up emotionally by:

• Talking it out to a trusted friend – tell a friend how you feel about the breakup and let them console you. You can also go out with them for a drink or a bite to clear up your mind.
• Write about what you are going through on a personal journal – writing helps you let out those bitter feelings. You can acknowledge your mistakes and write about what your ex did and how they hurt you. At the end of it all, you will get some clarity and peace of mind.
• Don’t blame yourself for the breakup – blaming yourself after a break up will only cause more anxiety and may even lead to depression. This, in the long run, may prolong the detachment period. Acknowledge your mistake and forgive yourself if you were the one who messed up. Looking at the whole breakup in a positive way may help develop good characters that may help you in your future relationships.
• Keep yourself busy – by being busy, you will keep away negative feelings that may cloud you mind. Go out with friends, party and dance your heart out. Take up that new hobby or assignment at work to distract your mind. Avoid stalking your ex because that will only hurt you more.

2. Focus on your personal growth 

When two people have been together for a long time, it’s possible to lose yourself in the process of adapting in your new relationship. Chances are after the breakup, you will feel lost and completely clueless of how to start your life alone. You were so used to doing everything together.

This is the time to take advantage of your new found freedom to develop your independence and do things on your own. Travel, study and do things that build your self confidence. There no better feeling than knowing that you can depend on yourself.

Look back into the relationships, what are some of the lessons you have learned from it. Endeavor to be a better person and correct your mistakes. A breakup doesn’t have to be bad after all; it can make you a better person if you choose to look at it from a positive angle.

3. Deal with your ex with lots of compassion and respect 

Fighting will only hurt you both. Attacking and stalking your ex on social media will slow down your healing process and make you a bitter person. If you want to remain friend with your ex, do so but with clear and defined boundaries.

If you don’t want to be friends, give yourself space. Delete them from your friends’ list on social media and remove their number from your phone book. Do away with anything that reminds you of them. This may make coping up much easier for you.

Once you have healed, if you bump into each other, smile at them and keep your conversations brief. Don’t use the opportunity to tell them how much you hate them for God’s sake.

How to get over an abusive and toxic relationship

Nobody deserves to be in an abusive relationship, and if this was your case, then a break up was the best thing that could have happened to you. You may not see it at the moment, but as the pain subsides, you will look back and thank God you walked out.

Ironically, toxic relationships usually last the longest and even after a breakup, victims still find it difficult to let go. This happens because their self confidence is usually low. Their abusers in most cases make them believe that they are worthless and cannot make it on their own.

Getting over such a relationship may take time but the good news is you can gain your independence, boost your self confidence and shake off all that negativity from your life.

Below is a step to step guide on how to get over toxic relationships:

• Go for therapy and get a support system that will listen without judging – when you have been in an abusive relationship for long, you may not even know the kind of damage it has done to you psychologically. Having a strong support group or walking through the healing process with a professional counselor will help you unlock the mental damage that the relationship did to you.

You could talk to friends or family members, read self help groups that will help you reconnect with yourself.

• Reconnect with your former self – yes, your abuser made you believe you are worthless, and your confidence is in the toilet. But you are much more than that. Unlock your potential. Look inside you and identify those things that make you tick.

What are those ambitions you gave up on? What are those hobbies you loved taking part in? What things did you accomplish before the relationship? You will realize that there’s a lot you can offer and that your life does not have to revolve around what your abuser made you believe. You have the power to rescue yourself so just do it.

• Do things that will boost your self confidence – set up goals for yourself and accomplish them. Go back to school. Learn a skill and make sure you are good at it. These things will make you proud of yourself and increase your self confidence. It may not happen overnight but don’t be hard on yourself baby, you will eventually achieve your potential.
• Embrace life and free yourself from all the negativity – take part in activities that will release positive energy in your soul. Engage yourself in physical exercise, do yoga, meditate, write, join spiritual groups and charity organizations. Just do something that will cleanse all the negativity from your life. You can do it.

Start dating again

Dating after a breakup can be the most daunting task. You may have taken a long time from the dating scene and don’t know where to start or you may be just afraid of being hurt again.

Dating, however, is fun and offers you an opportunity of meeting awesome people. The secret is, treat dating as an exploration. Don’t make it seem as if you have to meet your prince charming on the dates you go to. Such a mentality will only create anxiety.

These are some of steps that will help you get back into the dating scene:

• Make sure you are completely healed and don’t harbor negative emotions – you may have gone through a rollercoaster of emotions during the break up, but you are finally here; thinking about dating again. You must make sure that you are emotionally stable to accommodate new people into your life. Dating before healing completely will prevent you from seeing the good in people. You will always be comparing them with your ex. This is not fair to you or them.
• Acknowledge your role in the failed relationships – what mistakes did you make in your past relationship? did you forgive yourself? why do you always fall for the wrong people? These reflections and acceptances of your flaws makes you a better person.
• Be comfortable in your own skin – be confident and comfortable with who you are. This will make it easy to be strong on your own and not depend on others for validation.
• Have faith and believe in humanity – yes you have been hurt, betrayed and your love was not reciprocated. Why would you think everybody is going to hurt you? Leave all that baggage behind you and embrace the thrill of the moment.
• Be wise when choosing dates – I believe you are a better person now. You are confident and know what you want. Don’t go for people who put you down and are not comfortable with your values. Have your deal breakers in black and white and anybody who is not comfortable with you is free to hit the road. You are the boss darling.

A breakup may be exhausting and emotionally draining. It’s even more difficult to go through if you were in a long term relationship, but pause and think of all the lessons you learned. Did it make you a better person?  Because it should.

The best you can do after a break up is to let go and embrace the new life that is open to you. Be positive and if you can’t let go even after reading the above guide on how to get over a relationship, seek professional help and move on with your life.