- Are you a single parent finding it difficult to find love again?
- Are you always anxious about what your kids might think of you if you started dating today?
- Do you hold yourself back thinking you are way too old for this kind of game?
Well, these are some of the questions most single parents battle. For most single parents, life revolves around their kids. There’s hardly enough time to relax and socialize. While it’s a good thing to make your kids a priority, you should never lose yourself in the process.
Single parent dating comes with its fair share of challenges but with the right information, you can build a healthy and rewarding relationship.
In this article, you will find:
- A step by step guide on what precautions you need to take before getting into the dating scene,
- What you need to do when you think it’s time to start dating again,
- And basically where to find dates, when to involve the kids, and when to take the relationship to the next level.
Read on and learn more:
What to do before you start dating
Single parent dating can be quite challenging. Having been off the dating scene for sometimes, you’ll always find it difficult to bounce back. You may for example, be overwhelmed and lack the time to go out and socialize. Dealing with your past and finding quality dates may also be a challenge. You’ll also have to consider how your children will react.
All these are some of the factors you’ll have to consider before you start dating. While children’s feelings are important, and you should protect them at all costs, they should not be a barrier to your happiness. It’s possible to create a balance that would make you, your potential date and the kids happy. Remember it’s important not to lose that balance.
These are some of the things you need to do before you get into another relationship:
1. Do self-examination
It’s important to examine yourself and find out if you are truly ready to move on. It’s a healthy and smart move to get into another relationship once you have completely healed from the previous one. Know your main motivations of dating again.
- Doing a self-examination will help you know when it’s time to move on or wait a little longer.
- Ask your family and friends what they would think if you started dating again. Listen to the concerns of your kids and always reassure them of your love and commitment to them.
- Make sure you are ready for a new beginning. Starting a new relationship if you are still hooked to your past, will only hurt you more and the people you meet.
2. Avoid rebound relationships
It might not be healthy for you and the kids if you got into a new relationship immediately after a breakup. You are not entirely healed to give your potential date your all, and the kids may also rebel. This may sabotage the relationship between your children and their stepparent and ultimately interfere with the peace of your house.
- You need to take time off and heal. If counseling helps, talk to a counselor and let them walk with you the journey to emotional stability.
- The healthier you are, the easier it is to appreciate and love the people you meet.
3. Start asking your kids what they would think of if you started dating
It may sound like the most challenging thing to do, but getting a honest opinion of what the children think will help you know if they are ready to accept a stepparent or not. Kids are likely to be insecure and feel that once another party comes into your lives, you’ll no longer love and care for them as you use to. These dialogues will help you assess their fears and even reassure them of your unending love and support.
What to do when you feel ready to date again
Once you have done the above and are now ready for dating, it is essential to take some precautions. Your primary agenda should be to get someone you can build a future with. That person should be able to love and fully accept you and your pack.
Below are some of the things you should keep in mind:
1. Don’t hide the fact that you have kids
Be upfront about kids. Let your potential date know their existence. If you don’t reveal that crucial information early enough, it will give an impression that you are not an honest person. There is no point in dating someone then eventually when they realize you have kids; they walk away.
The earlier you talk about the existence of your kids, the easier it will be for you to know if a relationship can happen or not.
A person, who loves you, should not have a problem with your kids. So, if they don’t love the fact that you have kids, let them walk away.
2. Beware of psychopaths and losers
If you chose to date online, it’s important to note that there are people with different personalities. As a smart single, learn to screen the people you meet so that you don’t expose yourself and kids to nutcases who could hurt you.
- Make it a habit of browsing through dating profiles to find out people who have the same interests as you. Don’t just accept to meet someone before doing some little background check. It may help.
- Learn to trust your gut feeling. If it tells you something doesn’t seem right, trust it and walk away.
3. Learn to screen out players
You need to know that there will be players who will pretend to love you just to get into your pants. Some will misbehave and expect you to take their shit. Know when to say no to bad behavior and be realistic on your expectations from the word go.
- On your profile, state your deal breakers and let those interested in dating you know what to expect from you.
4. Don’t rush anything
Relationships take time and they require hard work. Being single can be frustrating, and you may want to settle as soon as possible but rushing the relationship may only hurt you and make your date uncomfortable.
- Learn your new catch. Find out if you share the same value system.
- Are you compatible? These are some of the things that you will need to find out before you decide to get deeper into the relationship.
Dating Tips For Single Parents
Since single parent dating can be quite complicated and time consuming, it can be challenging to plunge into the dating scene and find love right away. It takes time and you should allow yourself to go through the process.
Below are some of the tips that even a clueless single can use to find a decent person successfully:
1. Acknowledge your anxiety and fears
It may be difficult in believing in yourself after a divorce especially if your ex consistently put you down and told you how worthless you are. Just take your time, and think of the things you have achieved on your own.
- Spruce your confidence and assure yourself that you still have a lot to offer and that holding a conversation with a new catch won’t be difficult.
2. Think about yourself for once
You could be tempted to talk about your kids endlessly but hey, put yourself first and let everything take a back seat. You are out to find love, and your date wants to know you better. Talk about yourself, the things that motivate you, your beliefs and ideas.
This will give your date an idea of who you are and what you are looking for in the relationship. Be fun to be with and talk confidently about your expectations about dating.
3. Leverage on technology
The internet has made it possible to do everything at the comfort of your home. As a single parent, it may be difficult to go out as often as you’d wish to.
Leverage the power of online dating. Make a killer profile on those dating sites and take your time to send and respond to messages. Learn to check out the profiles of decent singles and avoid those singles who talk about nothing other than sex.
For the working class single parents, you can take advantage of dating apps like:
- Hinge
- Jswip
- Tinder
- Bumble
How To Create a Profile For Single Parents
To get the most out of dating sites, you have to have a killer profile. Remember you are selling yourself. Brand and package yourself with what you’d want people to see.
- If you are fun loving, outgoing, generous, compassionate or adventurous, make sure you display these qualities in a perfect way that’s easy to read.
- Describe yourself in the most enticing way. Make sure you don’t appear too needy and desperate but let your prospects know there’s more than it meets the eye in your tagline.
- Have personalized photos in your profile. You want people to see the real you, display real photos. Don’t give out a negative impression about you.
- Go through your profile again before publishing it. Make sure you capture everything you want the people who go through your profile to see. It should be easy and fun to read but not fluky.
4. Don’t just focus on single parents like you
It might be less of a hustle if you got a single parent because you have a lot in common but that should not limit you to single parents only. Keep your options open, who knows; you may just get a mate without kids who will accept you with your kids.
- There are so many childless singles who may be interested in dating single parents, don’t lock yourself off such opportunities. They may turn out to be the best.
5. Know when to walk away
You will meet people who are only out to hurt you. They will be lousy thinking that by accepting you, they are doing you a huge favor. Learn to say no to people who demean you.
- Don’t allow yourself to be a pushover. Remind yourself that you overcame bad relationships in the past and you are out for something better and you won’t settle until you get it.
6. On your first date, go to a public place
When going out with someone new, go to accessible areas. This will make it easier for you to go back home no matter how late it is. Do something simple on your first date and avoid those five-star hotels that will only confine.
7. Don’t involve the kids in the beginning
Never introduce your date to your kids before you are completely sure that they are there to stay. Remember your priority is to protect your children from any heartbreak. It would be useless for kids to bond with somebody who will eventually leave. Take your time and know if your current date loves you enough to stay with you.
8. Expect rejections
Your kids may not accept your new partner because they will see him/her as a threat who wants to take your love away. Understand your kids and don’t judge them harshly. Give them time and reassure them of your unwavering love.
9. Don’t lose your balance
Never let your kids feel left out. Smart singles know how to create a balance. A genuine person will understand when you miss a date to take care of your child who needs you. Ensure that you also don’t forget the needs of your new catch.
10. Get to know everything about the family you are getting in to
To blend easily with your step kids (if you are dating a single parent), try to find out everything about your partner’s kids. It’s important because it will help you know what to avoid and how to treat them. Blending may be difficult especially during the first year but as you get along, it will be much easier.
11. Beware of your partner’s ex
You may reach a point where you’ll want to meet your partner’s kids which is a significant step and an indication that things are moving towards the right direction. It’s important to know that their former partners may want to know who his/her kids will be staying with. If you meet the kids in their presence, just be calm and respectful.
12. Start introducing the kids to your new partner but do it carefully
Arrange a meeting where your kids will meet your new partner. During the initial sessions, you can introduce him/her as a friend, and see how they bond. Prepare fun activities where you can bring the kids from both sides to have fun together.
Do this more often until you are sure that your partner is the right one for you. Break the news to the kids and watch their reactions. If they are against it, be patient and don’t rush them into accepting your new partner. As time goes, depending on how they bond, your kids may end up loving your new partner.
For any single parent, finding love again can be the most awesome thing. Use this comprehensive guide to help you start your journey to single parent dating without any stress.
