Everything You Need To Know About Open Relationships
Do you have trouble sticking to one lover/ partner?
Are you the kind who keeps wondering why in the world society expects you to stick to one partner when there’s enough room to accommodate so many?
Do you think of opening up your relationship, but are wondering if it’s right for you?
Well, you can never control nature, and in life, you are bound to be attracted to someone else who’s hotter and sexier than your spouse. In monogamous relationships, couples will suppress such temptations or worse, cheat on their partners with the hope that they will never find out.
Cheating and hiding your every move can be draining and will eventually lead to more people being hurt. If monogamy is not for you, open relationships allow you to enjoy both worlds without any guilt. If you are wondering how to go about it, stress not. In this full guide, you will get an insight on:
- What is an open relationship?
- How they work.
- How to have an open relationship?
- The rules of engagement.
- The pros and cons of open relationships.
- And excellent advice on whether this kind of relationship is right or not.
Let’s dive in already.
What is an open relationship?
An open relationship exists when two individuals love one another and want to share a life together but agree not to be monogamous. In simple terms, it means that the parties are allowed to openly date, be physically involved or have romantic affairs with other people as they so desire.
The most common types of open relationships are polyamory, swinging, relationship anarchy, and monogamish. There are also different configurations to choose from like the triangle where one partner has two lovers, and these two partners are also involved and sometimes screw. Then there’s the V where one person has two lovers, but the lovers don’t relate.
The beauty of open relationships is that you get to enjoy diversity and more sex with other people. Seems like a good deal huh? It’s however not a walk in the park, and both parties have to be into the idea otherwise, it’s doomed to fail.
How open relationships work
As tricky or weird as it may seem, open relationships work and the parties involved enjoy the diversity and freedom that comes with it. Yes, it’s possible to love someone so deep but still take in lovers or allow them to be in other people’s arms. If you think it’s not possible, research estimates that 4-5% of relationships in the U.S are non-monogamous. Even more interesting is that many people find the idea fascinating and are interested in the concept. 11-22% of women and between 23 and 46% of men were curious to try it. This was according to a report in psychology today in the year 2014
The point here is not sleeping around as if you were single, but being considerate of your primary partner and knowing that you are still in a relationship with them. It calls for a high level of maturity, unconditional love, patience, transparency and excellent communication.
People open up their relationships for various reasons. In most cases, it’s usually the sexual aspect. With an open relationship, you can enjoy sex with multiple partners without hurting your partner, experiment with different sexual practices and styles or even become a better lover through the different experiences and variations. It’s just a natural way of getting all your feelings and emotional needs met.
Before opening up your relationship, however, you have to agree that it is what you both want. Each party has to consent otherwise; it would lead to negative emotions and heartbreak. Once you decide to allow other people into the relationship, you can choose to share your lovers or keep your other affairs separate from your primary relationship.
In some cases, one partner may choose to have different lovers while the other party does not pursue other relationship but he/she is free to do so. Others may decide to have threesomes for the thrill and adrenaline rush it brings. Whichever way you choose to go about it, the bottom line is, it has to be what you both want.
How to have an open relationship
Once you have both agreed that it is what is best for your relationship, then it’s time to get down to choosing the kind that suits you.
The steps below will show you how to have a rewarding and satisfying open relationship:
1. Familiarize yourself with the different kinds of open relationship and choose what works for you
As mentioned earlier, there is a variety to choose from. Go for what suits you and makes you happy. There are also online sites that cater to couples who need open relationships. Browse through those sites using the keywords of the kind of relationship you want, and you will meet several people who are also interested in mingling with your kind. There are some who are also in ongoing open relationships. Ask them questions and get an insight into what works.
2. Choose what appeals to you
Since you now know the different kinds of open relationships, choose the one you are more comfortable with. Have an in-depth discussion with your partner and get their input.
At this stage, you have to be very sincere with your partner and let him/her know what you are comfortable with. Would you like your partner to have other lovers? Will your other relationships involve intimacy? What happens when you can’t control your feelings and end up falling in love? Will you be comfortable having threesomes or letting your partner bring their lovers home? This calls for some deep soul searching because you will have to state what you can take or not explicitly.
3. Get into open relationships for the right reason
Why do you want to open your relationship? Do you have issues in your current relationship that you feel can be solved by bringing on the third party? Make sure you are getting into an open relationship for the right reason. Bringing others into your relationship to make it better may not help, so make sure you solve any underlying issues before opening it up.
4. Set the guidelines with your partner on how you want to relate to other partners
Boundaries are essential for any healthy relationship. For any open relationship to work, the two parties have to set guidelines that they will have to follow so as not to hurt one another.
In setting the rules of engagement, partners will have to be as honest with one another as possible. This is what you can do, write down what you expect from your outside relationships. Let your partner do the same.
Address issues like how to protect one another by having safe sex, bringing your lovers home, or how you will handle pregnancy issues in case they arise. Discuss these guidelines with your partner, and it would be better if your expectations align with those of your partner. If for example, your partner does not agree to having sex with others, but to you, it should be part of the whole thing; then there is bound to be a problem in your primary relationship.
5. Think about yourself first and leave others out when making the guidelines
You are making instructions for you and your partner, why would you care about what others think of the arrangement. If you care more about what people will think, it’s possible to make rules according to what suits them and not the two of you and the relationships.
That will make it more difficult to follow because it is not what makes you happy. Think of yourself and your partner for once and follow your heart.
6. Be flexible
Learn to compromise. You are all human beings and are bound to break the rules sometimes. The most important thing for you and your partner is to understand that the rules are not set in stone, and things are bound to change.
When you realize that you are deviating from the main plan, all you need to do is go back to the drawing board and have an open discussion on how to fix what fits in the relationship.
7. Keep communication lines open
For these kinds of relationships to work, you have to be open and communicate well. Your partner will understand you more if you openly express what you need and expect from them. Without communication, it’s possible for jealousy to creep in because both of you will not know how the party is fairing on with their other lovers.
8. Be organized and expect some challenges
Organize yourself such that you still have time for your primary relationship. Don’t prioritize your other relationships at the expense of your primary relationship. Ensure that time for the different dates don’t clash to avoid misunderstanding and mistrust.
Open relationships are not a walk in the park. There are days when you will feel that your other lovers are better than your main partner and feel like quitting but don’t be clouded by illusions. You may fight, and misunderstandings may crop up, but learn to take each day at a time.
9. Ask for help when you feel overwhelmed
It’s essential to have a support system that helps you gain clarity when you think you have hit a rough patch or when you need help figuring out some issues with your relationship.
Rules of an open relationship
Below are some rules that will help you have a rewarding and stable open relationship without jeopardizing your primary relationship:
- Don’t prioritize your other lovers over your main partner.
- Use protection – it’s essential to practice safe sex to avoid contracting STDs.
- Be transparent- it may be difficult but be honest about the number of lovers you have, when you meet them and if your partner wants to know more about your intimate moments, just tell them. Make sure you don’t exaggerate. It may hurt their self-esteem.
- Communicate – this is more important if you want to avoid misunderstanding and jealousy cropping up.
- Keep your affairs private – to prevent embarrassment and misunderstanding, keep your issues private. There is no point in sharing with everyone the number of partners you have beside your primary partner.
- Know why you are into the relationship – do you want physical intimacy or love. Learn to have clear boundaries to avoid the unexpected.
- Don’t date mutual friends.
Benefits of open relationships
Apart from the apparent diversity and freedom of having multiple sex partners without the fear of hurting your primary partner, open relationships have a bunch of benefits that are worth mentioning.
Below are some of the things you can enjoy in open relationships:
- You don’t have to stick to one partner – you get the opportunity to experience both worlds. Some people are not monogamous, so instead of holding on to one partner, an open relationship offers then an option to enjoy meaningful relationships with the people they love but still seek gratification from other lovers.
- You don’t feel guilty about pursuing romantic pursuits – imagine having to cheat on your partner and hiding it from them. It sucks right? Instead of having to hurt your partner’s feelings, opt for an open relationship that will enable you to have other lovers openly and in a more respectful way. You may be surprised at how it could ignite and spice up your relationship.
- The thrill and the adrenaline rush it brings – this is the most exciting thing about open relationships. Imagine the different sexual adventures, having your need being met by multiple lovers and enjoying those threesomes. How exciting can it be?
That said, open relationships also have their downsides, and some of them are:
- Your physical and emotional health is at risk – no matter how much you trust your partner to make the right decision, they may end up losing control and falling in love with their secondary lovers. It, therefore, makes you emotionally vulnerable to heartbreaks.
- You may get jealous.
- It can never fix a broken relationship.
Bottom line
I’ll tell you that having an open relationship is better than cheating on your partner, but is right for you? Are you sure you want to open up your relationship? The above guide will give you clarity on whether an open relationship is right for you or not. Weigh the pros and cons and choose what you are most comfortable with.
Having the best of both worlds is possible. Don’t cage yourself when your heart yearns to enjoy the diversity and freedom that comes with an open relationship.
Good luck!
