- Are you falling out of love, and think it is time to call it quits?
- Have you evaluated all aspects of your relationship and felt it’s not worth saving?
- Have you weighed all the options, and are convinced beyond any doubt that a break up is all you want and that you are not hard on your partner?
Well, ending a relationship can be stressful, and emotionally draining so you must be prepared and be sure it is what you want. Whether it’s you ending the relationship or your partner, you are bound to be hurt.
This article is for you if:
- You want to know when to end a relationship with someone you love,
- You want to know when and how to end a relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath,
- And how to end a long distance relationship.
Let me show you how to end a relationship without being cruel or inconsiderate of your soon to be Ex’s feelings after all, this is somebody you once loved.
A Step By Step Guide To Ending A Relationship
This guide will help you to end your relationship in the most compassionate way, but before we get to the point of ending the relationship, we’ll first look at why and when you need to throw in the towel.
Let’s go,
When to end a relationship with someone you love
Relationships can be tricky and difficult to navigate. Sometimes, despite being unhappy and all the glaring signs of a bad relationship, we still feel that breaking up is too much work and that we can still fix it.
Truth is, you don’t have to be stuck in a bad relationship. It’s not fair to you nor is it to your partner. You deserve to be happy and if it’s not working out, don’t be afraid walk out.
Below are some useful signs that’ll show you that your relationship is on a death spiral:
1. Mistrust
If you realize that you don’t trust one another, then sorry darling, you are going nowhere. Trust is the backbone of any relationship, and the moment you lose it, the relationship is no good.
You’ll always be questioning your partner’s every move. No matter what he/she does, you’ll still be wondering what their motives are. Lack of trust especially if it is mutual, will only breed anger, possessiveness, insecurity, jealousy and other negative feelings that will crumble the relationship. Once you get to this level, there’s no need to hold on.
2. You are always fantasizing about life with someone else
Dreaming of how your life would be with someone else other than your partner only means you have disengaged yourself physiologically and emotionally from the relationship.
It shows you don’t see any future in the relationships and feel you are better off with someone else. This is an indicator that it’s time to let go because it’s so unfair to be emotionally unavailable to a partner who by the way, could be so committed to you.
3. Your values are not compatible
While relationships involve lots of adjusting and compromise, we all have those values that are non-negotiable. Say your partner wants an open relationship which to you is a no, and they expect you to compromise, chances are you will feel drained and feel you are sacrificing a lot, right?
Being in a relationship with someone whose set of values are a complete opposite of yours makes it difficult for you to enjoy the relationship. Your values don’t have to be 100% per ce, but at least they don’t have to rub against those of your partner.
If this is your case, then you are better off apart.
4. You are in a rut and no longer have any fun together
Nothing sucks like a routine, and when a couple has been together for a long time, it’s possible to adopt a routine.
If, despite talks to spice your relationship by involving yourselves in some fun activities together nothing happens, then it’s time to hit the road baby. Relationships are supposed to be fun, and enjoyable. If yours is boring and both of you are not making an effort to make things better, then it only means that you are drifting apart.
5. You don’t see a future with him/her
Do you envision a future with your partner? Does the thought of being together for the rest of your lives excite you? If it doesn’t, there is no point of being in that relationship. We all get into relationships with a desire of growing old together.
If you don’t feel excited about spending the rest of your life with your partner, then it’s better to let them pursue their happiness elsewhere.
6. They are no longer part of your short term and long term plans
When you are happy in your relationship, everything that you do is for the good of your spouse and kids (if you have any). Your partner is usually your number one priority whether they will be directly involved in the execution of the plan or not.
If he/she does not come to your mind when making plans, then it’s an indication that you have emotionally shelved the relationship and are only there physically.
What’s the point anyway? Life is too short to be in an unfulfilling relationship. Give yourself a chance to be happy by walking out.
7. When your partner becomes a stranger
If you wake up one day and find out that you no longer recognize your partner, what would you do? Do you hold on and hope that calm would return, and you would go back to the way you used to be?
No matter how difficult it is to break up with someone you love, if they become strangers to you, the best you can do to yourself is to call it quits. Couples drift apart without knowing and if this is your case, and you can’t salvage your relationship, the best for both of you is to breakup.
Now that you know the signs that it’s time to hit the road, let’s go into a step by step guide on how to end toxic relationships
How to end a relationship with a narcissist and a psychopath
A relationship with a narcissist leaves the victim with zero self-esteem and a feeling of worthlessness. Studies indicate that narcissists feel insecure, inferior and fragile, and these feelings are what cause emotional instability. A person with this disorder has a sense of entitlement, is self-centered and feels like the whole world revolves around them.
Below are the tell signs that you have been dating a narcissist:
- Your partner has no empathy – for narcissists, it’s all about them. They will not feel your pain and will wonder why you are emotional about an issue.
- Your confidence level is at its lowest – people with this disorder will make you feel worthless. They will always tell you that you are not good enough and that you can never amount to anything.
- They keep comparing you with their exes or other people – to a narcissist; someone is always better than you. They leave you feeling so unloved.
- You don’t have a social life – if you had friends, you no longer have any because they have convinced you that they are all you need. They will also use manipulative tactics to ensure that your primary focus is them and nothing else.
- They are always putting you down and belittling you in front of your friends and family.
- They no longer pay attention to you and are still out seeking admiration from strangers.
A narcissist will leave you frustrated and emotionally drained. Breaking up with them is also very difficult and can lead to a series of dramas and manipulation that may slow your detachment from them.
Ending such relationships, however, is the only way to gain your sanity. Below are some easy steps on how to break up with a narcissist:
Go for therapy and don’t allow him/her to manipulate you
A relationship with a narcissist leaves you blaming yourself and feeling worthless. Get a support group where you can talk about your feelings without fear of judgment. This will help you gain your self-confidence.
Your narcissist partner will try to talk you out of therapy and even tell you how worthless it is, but don’t fall for their manipulation. They are incapable of seeing any good in others, so don’t listen to them.
Set boundaries
Narcissists have no empathy nor are they capable of loving anyone. Once you have decided to end your relationship, you must emotionally detach yourself from them no matter how painful it is. Make up your mind, lock them out of your heart and move out.
They will put up a show, manipulate you into going back to them by telling you that they are going to change or that you can never make it on your own, but don’t listen to such crap. Some may even try to harm you but don’t fall for it. You can get restraining orders from the police or even get a licensed firearm to protect yourself.
Focus on what the future has to offer
Yes, you have gone through a nasty break up, but you are still here, and that all that matters. Leave the past behind, gather all your strength and move on. Cut all ties with your ex, pick up a new hobby, connect with friends and do the things that make you happy. If you feel the need to grieve over the loss of the relationship, do so but don’t grieve forever.
Love and appreciate yourself
There is power in loving yourself. Your partner made you believe you are worth nothing, but that’s not true. You have spent years blaming yourself, and your confidence is at its lowest. Well, you have the power to turn that around, and you can only do that by being kind to yourself and working towards improving your self-esteem. It will not come overnight, but every little effort you put is an achievement.
Don’t blame yourself for being in an abusive relationship but pick up yourself, learn from the experience, and don’t repeat it.
How to end a long distance relationship
Whatever your reasons for wanting to break up, ending a relationship is still painful. It’s even worse in a long distance relationship where you’ll have to do it over the phone. Make sure it is what you want, and you have weighed all the options.
Below is a guide on how to end a long distance relationship on a good note:
Choose the mode of communicating
Since it’s a long distance relationship, it may be difficult to break up on a one on one meeting although it’s the most advocated. If you can’t meet physically, you can end the relationship with a phone call or video call. Leaving a text message, voice message or email is being inconsiderate of your soon to be ex.
Keep the call short and straight to the point without being cruel
Make sure you have a detailed approach to how you will deliver the message. Support your decision with reasons that’ll make your partner see sense in your argument. You should expect an outburst of emotions but be firm.
Avoid the temptations of remaining as friends
It’s easy to fall back into the relationship. Once you have ended the relationship, keep your distance until you are completely healed and are strong enough not to run into your ex’s arms.
Move on with your life
Rebuild your life, take up a new hobby, make new friends and enjoy life. If love comes your way, you are now wiser and have learned some lessons from your previous relationship that’ll make the new one better, grab it
Bottom line
Loving and being loved back is the most beautiful thing that can happen to you. Sometimes, however, shit happens. When things don’t work out despite your efforts to make them better, don’t be afraid to walk out. You deserve to be in a relationship that is fun and makes you happy.
If you ever feel that ending the relationship is what you want, follow the above guide and walk out most compassionately.
