Dating long distance is quite the controversial thing, believe it or not…
There are many people in both the FOR and the AGAINST camps. And it’s (as every relationship topic) a touchy subject. And wherever you stand, you ought to know every opinion before you decide for yourself. SO… I’ll try to be objective and summarize Long Distance relationships from each viewpoint (but, as you’ll later see, I heavily lean towards the AGAINST camp and my reasoning may surprise you).
But without further ado, let’s begin by talking about the PROs and CONs of Long Distance Dating.
Pros
- It gives you a tremendous amount
- of free time, compared to dating someone that you can regularly see.
And that can be a good thing, depending on what kind of person you are… I know myself and when I fall in love I’m a garbage can (which is why I tend to avoid it these days). I’ll spend numerous hours and days just thinking, obsessing, and talking myself into falling even more in love.
That’s a bit toxic and that’s why I avoid it, but that’s how I am (or used to be… I haven’t fallen in love for quite a while now). But other people may be quite fine (and normal). Maybe they don’t obsess with their new infatuation and just go about their days being normal and productive with just the added ‘girlfriend’ to the mix.
So, it’s important to know where you stand… Because if you’re like me, the free time you get from a Long Distance Relationship can be incredibly important for your health.
And that’s just it… Long Distance Relationships are sooo much less time consuming than normal ones. That’s because you don’t get to see your partner often (obviously).
It’s somewhat less entangling…
Basically, you don’t feel as if you’re in a serious relationship (or you don’t feel it as much). The ‘rules’ don’t feel so huge, weighting above your head, watching over your every step. The consequences feel lesser.
That’s great if you’re a free bird and don’t want your freedom taken away by the limited boundaries of monogamous relationships. Not so great if you’re okay with it (I’ll explain later).
Basically, even if you screw up, you won’t feel as bad… That’s great for your self-preservation… Not so great for everything else, but hey, your mind and body won’t feel as numb.
And if you’re in an open relationship, that’s even better… Because it’s like you have this awesome friend from another city (or country) and you’re not caged by rules when they are not with you.
It feels incredible when you get to see each other…
It’s like a miracle. At least that’s how you’ll feel. It’s because all the time you’ve spend, craving each other and not being able to be intimate comes crashing down all at once. All the emotions overwhelm you. That’s great. Really.
And you may argue that it’s better to experience these emotions as they come rather than in one big swoop (hello, fellow friend in the AGAINST camp). But ultimately, I’ve found that it’s a unique experience. And as such I give it credit and the light of day… It DOES exist, it IS amazing, it OUGHT to be mentioned and spoken about.
But what about the Cons:
Obviously, the first one would be that your partner isn’t close by. This is HUGE as it basically means that you can’t get any real physical intimacy. And that’s a lot for us guys. But it’s also a problem for the girls too. See they may prefer emotional intimacy more, but being physical brings a TON of emotions.
This makes it a case of availability. If you’re in a Long Distance Relationship and your girl doesn’t get to feel you, but she does get other guys that can be physical, then that’s serious competition right there. Which leads me to…
Cheating…
Cheating happens. And it is much, much more likely to happen when there is almost no physical connection in your relationship. I treat physicality basically like a resource. Since in a Long Distance Relationship you can’t provide that resource BUT some other guy can, they have an inherent advantage.
Now, your advantage over the situation is that you have positive memories and experiences with the girl, but so can he… and the experiences they, well, experience… will be much more memorable, because they are done in person. So with enough time, he can essentially steal her away from you. Or just get her to cheat. SO, that’s a HUGE minus in my opinion.
It’s not the same thing…
Yeah, it’s still a relationship.
Yeah, it counts.
But… It’s not quite the same. Not being able to actually be there with your girl and all. It’s incredibly frustrating and sad when you think about it.
There are a ton of questions popping up like:
- Where is this going?
- Will it work out?
- How will it work out?
- Is it even worth it?
- Is it even REAL?
And these go unanswered. Because there is no answer. It’s basically what you decide to make out of it.
Now… This may sound discouraging and all (and it is), but that’s not to say that Long Distance Relationships are a bad thing. If they were, people wouldn’t be doing them. Again, it’s a subjective matter. One that you can’t get a definitive answer to. And that’s fine. You just have to choose your side (or not, you can decide to not care… But you’re here for a reason? Right?).
Nevertheless… That’s not everything about Long Distance Relationships… Let’s take a look at how they are made, how they are sustained, and, after that, something else that you may not have thought about. Watch out for that one… Without further ado:
How Do Long Distance Relationships Happen
There are a few ways that a Long Distance Relationship can occur… The most popular ones are either you’re together but you need to be apart for other reasons:
- Families moving to different cities
- Education in different countries
- Work abroad
- Or even military service.
Regardless the case, I think these can be fine. Depending on your closeness before the ‘breaking apart’ this can actually work (but do you really want it to? More on that later).
The other way is to meet Online… There are plenty of Online Dating platforms where you can meet women from all over the world. If everything goes alright, you may find yourself in an Online Dating Long Distance Relationship. Those are a bit weird and are definitely on the edge in my opinion. This is because the people involved don’t really know each other and can’t truly commit (again… In my opinion). But there’s a passenger for every train, I guess.
How Do Long Distance Relationship Sustain Themselves
Basically, through the wonders of the Internet and Online Dating platforms. That’s basically it. There’s no other way (other than mobile, but it’s pretty much the same experience) to simulate being there with someone. Someone a long distance away from yourself. And that’s fine. At least we actually CAN do such things. It’s not like in the past people could have Long Distance Relationships. Letters aren’t the most solid way of communication since they don’t arrive instantly, unlike messages.
And, can you imagine the past? People didn’t really have access to that many new acquaintances over their lifespan. Over a normal person’s whole life back in the day they’d meet about the same amount of people you and I will meet in a week or even less. Now, that’s inspiring. All the possibilities.
But… Back to our topic. Thankfully, technology is great and it allows us to have the luxury of dating without even being physically there with the other person.
A… Not So Pleasant Truth…
Online Dating also houses a TON of problems. What I’m trying to discreetly get at is: Scams.
Basically, there are people online that will scam you. And it’s easier than ever… Which is why I’ll go into this topic a bit more:
Online Dating Scams
Lying is one of the worst things that a person can do to others.
And that’s not only because it’s tricking people into situations that are unfavorable for them and favorable to you… Lying is bad because it plays on people’s emotions and psychology. It’s devastating to be lied to because you believed so strongly in something that was perfectly designed to lower your guard.
That’s why lying is the worst.
But people often lie… Everyone has their own reasons, be it because something is hard to explain or to hurt another person on purpose. And its common sense that with people being on the Internet they’ll lie there too.
You can check out some Online Dating Scams that actually happened here (link to online dating scams article). I’ve also written an article on Online Dating Documentaries (link to Online Dating Documentaries article), Online Dating Movies (link to online dating movies article), and Online Dating Horror Stories (link to online dating horror stories article) … All of these are a great read if you’re more interested in Online Dating Scams.
And with all of that covered. You should be pretty aware of everything that Online Dating Long Distance Relationships can offer… In any case, I’m going to put a nice and neat conclusion and an objective view of the matter (as objective as I can).
SO… Long Distance Relationships are certainly a beast to tackle. They can have their problems, but they aren’t a purely bad thing either. They are flawed in the sense of not being able to actually be with your partner. But they are a way of keeping a relationship going if certain circumstances arise.
There can be some HUGE problems, like Online Dating Scams. But overall having an Online Dating Long Distance Relationship isn’t a bad thing. At the end of the day, it’s your choice and your choice only whether to have or not have such a relationship. All I can do is give you my opinion as I just have and which you luck in your further experiences. Because if anything you’re the person that can have an impact on your own life and you can change it more than anyone else can. So, go and do that thing you want to do…
